Glib

A friend of mine from college recently reposted this picture to her facebook.

Seems reasonable, right? Right?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling combative, but this bothered me so much.

Firstly, let me just state that, broadly, yes, I agree with the statement. I think we all need to be decent to one another. I think our conversations need to be respectful and empathetic and honest and authentic. I do like the idea behind this, but I also think it's overly simplistic and even dangerously broad and vague.

Most people, face to face, are decent to one another. Most of us don't go around picking fights with strangers and acquaintances. Most of us aren't all that selfish, and most of us don't hurt the people around us intentionally. Mostly we're all just trying to get on with life. Decency is pretty ubiquitous. As often as someone cuts me off on the road, someone else will let me merge into the lane. People are decent.

But here's where this statement falls apart:
It really does matter what you believe, because your worldview dictates how you vote, the kind of education you approve of and fight for, and your opinions of/actions regarding many other large-scale topics which have distinct and demonstrable effects on broad segments of the population. Being decent in daily life is good, but it's not enough if you don't also support legislation that is decent (for as many people as possible) and doesn't curb basic human rights.

This statement is not saying "be decent to each other" - don't be fooled.

It's actually saying that heated discussion is mean. It's implying, "Look, when someone gets uncomfortable, drop the subject." And this is the opposite of the decent thing to do! Yes, when having debates, you should be respectful and listen and try to understand a subject from the other person's point of view. But that is a far cry from not saying anything that might make someone feel bad. Listen, it feels bad when you are forced to confront the holes in your reasoning, when you have to face inconsistencies and and admit fallacies in your dearly cherished beliefs. It does. It's not a fun experience. But being asked to confront those things is not a cruel or mean act, and allowing someone to hold onto a flawed or ignorant viewpoint is not being kind.

If someone is uncomfortable discussing their viewpoints and dislikes hearing others, it's still ultimately a disservice to him to halt the conversation. Feeling bad is not a valid reason to stop thinking critically.

Also, this is nitpicking, but the text should read "It doesn't matter whether you're an atheist or a theist," or perhaps "nonbeliever or believer" (which is obviously the less precise of the two). Keep the syntax parallel.

I realize all this makes me sound like a jerk, and not decent. But glib statements like these ("it doesn't matter, just play nice") make it too easy to dismiss honest debate and discussion. It provides an easy shut-off-valve. "You gotta stop talking about this because it's making me feel bad, and that means you're a bad person!" Nobody likes to think of themselves as a bad person, so it works. We stop talking. We stop sharing ideas and thoughts and beliefs. We divide and subdivide into little groups where we never experience discomfort. It's damaging to us as individuals, damaging to us as a species.

We're better off - even if someone ends up feeling a little offended or put upon - having the hard conversations than we would be if we all just gave up whenever someone felt uncomfortable for having their viewpoints challenged. I don't mean we should hound people if they disagree with us. Various viewpoints are beneficial. But it's not indecent to challenge ourselves.

The decent thing to do is to refuse to back away from things that make us uncomfortable, that cause a little cognitive dissonance. The decent thing to do is for everyone to pile in! just get right in there! and share and communicate and have to think critically about what we believe.

Also: If someone really thinks that what she believes doesn't matter and has no weight in determining whether or not her actions are decent, then they must be such insignificant beliefs! They must be worthless! What viewpoint has no bearing on your behavior? What behavior has no bearing on interactions with others, on decency?

Embrace mental discomfort! It points us in better directions. Friends don't let friends wrap themselves in comfortable viewpoints that have no foundations in conscious, critical thought! If your viewpoints are important to you, examine why they're important. Find out the flaws. Figure out the weak points. And then - attack those spots with everything you've got. Rip it apart. Start refining. Challenge yourself! Build better foundations! It's how we figure out what's worth believing.

tl;dr